This is the strongest statement I have seen to use in response to the question “What did I (we) do wrong to cause our child to be (gay, bi, lesbian, transgender, etc.)”  While it is written specifically by the mother of a transgender child, it applies equally well to all gender variance.


Neither my husband nor I spend time wondering what we did wrong to make our son become our daughter.  Most of our friends and neighbors are not casting blame either.  It is a good thing they don’t.  Otherwise we would wonder what our blind neighbor’s parents did to cause her condition.  We would wonder why another neighbor has a deaf daughter.  We would wonder why different neighbors have an autistic daughter.  We would wonder why another neighbor’s son had a child with a substance abuse problem.  We would ask ourselves why some other neighbor’s had a dyslexic son.


In reality the children of these neighbors are functional and doing very well.  They have become educated, work, gotten married, and one is a loving new dad.  The autistic child will always need help but the special schooling has made a big difference and she is loved by her family.


Maybe our neighbors quickly accepted our MtF daughter because they had other come to acceptance in their own families.


My MtF daughter functioned very well despite having to change her name and body and to seek acceptance at work.


Maybe my husband and I did things right for our MtF daughter.  Otherwise why would she go through a small private engineering college on a pile of scholarships and have no loans to pay back.  Why would she now be doing graduate studies at University with her employer paying for her tuition and books.


We must let go of guilt and get on with living.  Our children will appreciate it.


Mother of 30 year old post-op MtF”


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